I was happy at school. Had some good memories at school.
However, I was never happy at home. They were two different worlds completely. School and home. Almost everyday we were punished at home. We spent our childhood kneeling in front of Shen Tai and being beaten almost all the time we were at home. I can't quite remember what we did wrong, or whether we were even wrong at all. Everyday I tried to do everything in the way they want us to do, but father would always come out with new reasons to punish us.
We were taught that no one in the world is good. We should not trust anyone other than father. Even Wai Po and Mama were also bad persons who tried to harm us. I thought what father said was true and did not open my heart to anyone until almost 20.
Father did not join in any occasion Mama's relatives held. Weddings, New Years, Holidays, he would rather stay at home alone than to accompany his children to enjoy the fun hours of life.
However, we always went together with him to visit his mother and his siblings. When Wai Po and Xiao Yi stayed at with us, he scolded Mama because they interferred with our family life. But we never knew what was family life even without any intruder.
When we were younger, we loved people coming to our house because it meant less beating and kneeling. When people were leaving, we might cry. We knew what was coming after people left. But nobody at that time understood. They only commented that we liked to cry.
Father kept telling us how nice he was to us. Fetching us from school, paying bills, sweeping floors, he always claimed that he had been doing the same for a number of years equal to my age. But these were the only things he did. He often told us to be grateful of him and to treat him very nicely. He forced us to say 'thank you' everytime he fetched us from school.
We thought all fathers were like this. We recognised all these as normal lives until we saw much more of the world at a later age.
However, I was never happy at home. They were two different worlds completely. School and home. Almost everyday we were punished at home. We spent our childhood kneeling in front of Shen Tai and being beaten almost all the time we were at home. I can't quite remember what we did wrong, or whether we were even wrong at all. Everyday I tried to do everything in the way they want us to do, but father would always come out with new reasons to punish us.
We were taught that no one in the world is good. We should not trust anyone other than father. Even Wai Po and Mama were also bad persons who tried to harm us. I thought what father said was true and did not open my heart to anyone until almost 20.
Father did not join in any occasion Mama's relatives held. Weddings, New Years, Holidays, he would rather stay at home alone than to accompany his children to enjoy the fun hours of life.
However, we always went together with him to visit his mother and his siblings. When Wai Po and Xiao Yi stayed at with us, he scolded Mama because they interferred with our family life. But we never knew what was family life even without any intruder.
When we were younger, we loved people coming to our house because it meant less beating and kneeling. When people were leaving, we might cry. We knew what was coming after people left. But nobody at that time understood. They only commented that we liked to cry.
Father kept telling us how nice he was to us. Fetching us from school, paying bills, sweeping floors, he always claimed that he had been doing the same for a number of years equal to my age. But these were the only things he did. He often told us to be grateful of him and to treat him very nicely. He forced us to say 'thank you' everytime he fetched us from school.
We thought all fathers were like this. We recognised all these as normal lives until we saw much more of the world at a later age.
